Jun 29, 2020
EP 91 Stop sabotaging yourself
It's hard to change, especially when that habit or belief system has been ingrained in you for years, decades, or a lifetime.
Today’s mantra Monday and intention for this week is to bring awareness to your habits to stop self-sabotage.
Only you know how you’re sabotaging yourself. It could be second guessing yourself, questioning your actions or skills, not believing in your abilities, comparing yourself to others, doing things you know you shouldn’t do, or doing things you know you should do.
Self-sabotage is knowing what you want and how to get there, but doing the opposite, undermining the thing you desire.
Personally, for example:
I know that Yoga is good for me, but I don't do it. During quarantine I've done yoga three times in three months, which is crazy, because I always complain how I don’t have enough time to get to the teachers I love. And now, all the teachers around the world who I love are accessible online.
I also know that eating healthy will get me to how I want to feel in my body - healthier, fitter, stronger, more confident, but more often than not fat kid Freddy takes over and sabotages my eating habits.
The biggest self-sabotage that I’m currently experiencing is in my business. I want to create a business and brand that is successful and meaningful, and I know that consistency of content is key to building that. But I sabotage this dream by finding other things to do instead of what I need to do, and I’m also very critical of myself, which causes doubt, fog and inertia. Perfectionism stops me from creating. And then, I feel like a failure for not creating. It’s a bad cycle.
I'm not sure why we sabotage the very thing or feeling we desire.
A few things I'm learning as a parent is that a child will subconsciously reenact their bad behavior as a cry for help to heal old wounds and patterns that are out of their control. For example, a toddler may hit because she doesn’t have the emotional intelligence or maturity to stop herself or express her big emotions of fear, overwhelm or stimulation in a healthy way. Or maybe she’s had a negative experience with a caregiver, so she will recreate that bad behavior reenacting it with that person as a call for help to heal her emotion and that pattern, asking that person to step in and stop her, because she can’t stop herself. Once it’s done in a healthy and loving way, usually that negative pattern is broken.
Similarly our emotional brain is used to patterns so we reenact negative behaviors because they are comfortable as a subconscious cry for help.
Sometimes the known is easier and more comfortable than the unknown, even if that known is not what we want. So we easily revert back to ways that are easy and comfortable and sabotage what we desire. That path is well worn.
Unlike a child who doesn’t have the emotionally developed brain that can rationalize and make sense of her big emotions and behaviors, our brain can make sense of our actions and emotions, and through awareness, we can begin to understand ourselves deeply and consciously choose again.
Take a moment and think about one way you've been sabotaging yourself, your dreams, and how you want to feel. It could be anything - big or small.
Of course it’s easy for me to tell you, “hey, just stop being that way,” but for our emotional brain, it’s very hard to break our habits that are comfortable, even if we don't like these habits.
Change starts with awareness.
Commit this week to being more mindful of when your subconscious brain takes over and hijacks the very thing you desire.
In that moment, notice it, then label it and choose again. You have the power of choice.
Release any fears and habits that block you from receiving the love and support you desire.
I’m gonna do this with you, because I want to feel productive and in flow, but I sabotage my productivity by getting distracted, feeling uninspired, losing focus and being highly critical of myself. So, this week, I will notice when I feel overwhelmed, put pressure on myself to be perfect, and compare myself to others. Instead of doing what I normally do, which is going into the fridge to numb my emotions and distract me from the present moment, I will pause, notice, and label how I’m feeling and what I’m doing and choose again.
By bringing awareness to how I’m feeling, I can take care and honor myself. I may choose to take a break, nap, journal, move my body, or shift my mindset to be more compassionate so I can create without criticism.
You have the power of choice.
Be present in that moment, CHOOSE, then let go and move on to the next moment.
It’s not easy to look at ways you harm yourself. Through this daily mindfulness practice of watching your habits, labeling your big emotions and actions and consciously choosing from a place of love, you will build your self worth and curate a practice of self love.
Small steps create big change.
I believe in you and will be right there with you doing the work too.
If this tool is helpful to you, I appreciate you reviewing this episode and sharing it with anyone who would benefit.
As always, I’m grateful to you for taking the time to listen to this podcast and being part of our soul school family. You are enough and you matter!
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