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SOUL SCHOOL with Audrey

May 13, 2019

EP 41: MM: Just because some things are broken, doesn’t mean all things are broken

Okay, I’m gonna preface this by saying I know this will totally sound like I am not listening to my own teachings. I have been a bit below the line lately and have been in a slight scarcity mindset.

My podcast is not about having it all together or even claiming to know all of the answers. My intention for this podcast is to be raw and real, and sometimes that looks like showing up exactly as I am, flawed and insecure. I don’t think we truly seek perfection. I think we are really inspired by authenticity. So, I hope our conversations are more like we are having a glass of wine and chatting it up with soul-filled yummy info, rather than a teacher/student type vibe.

So, here goes: I have been feeling old and broken. Not important. A has been. UGH just saying it out loud makes me cringe. I promise you my thoughts aren’t as bad as it just sounds out loud. Or maybe they are? Having a baby with new roles and responsibilities and changing identities and now having to really manage the little time I have to be with you has triggered my itty-bitty-shitty-committee in major ways. Maybe you can relate?

Any change in our life, whether wanted or unwanted, triggers insecurities.

Because I am not teaching as many yoga classes, I have been feeling, well, kind of broken. Lost. Unimportant. My inner critic has been loud since having a baby tricking me into believing thoughts like:

“You’re not doing enough. You don’t have enough time to accomplish your goals. You’re too old. You’re not teaching enough. You will be forgotten.”

Some of this is true. Since having a baby and not teaching as many yoga classes, other yogis have replaced my classes and those classes are thriving (without me). Very painful for my Ego. I’ve seen similar workshops that I used to teach now on the market taught by other yogis. I feel replaced and forgotten. My Ego quickly gets fired up by this, but when I tune into my True Self, I know this is just part of change.

Things must die in order for rebirth to happen. Nature is a great example of this.

So, my point is that although you may feel broken, not all things are broken.

When I can realistically and honestly look at all of the abundance that surrounds me, then I can wake up to the opportunities and the things I am grateful for. Instead of being stuck in a dark hole and only seeing what isn’t working, I can shift my perspective and open to the opportunities of change. Only when I am open I can receive the gifts from the Universe. If I am still in the dark hole, I will never see it or appreciate these gifts.

For example, just this past week, I was asked to be a lululemon ambassador – again! This will be my 3rd time as an ambassador. In the fitness world, it’s a big deal, especially when a store asks you to come on a second time. This rarely happens! There are so many great influencers and fitness and yoga instructors, so it makes sense that every 2 years a new one is chosen to represent the city and store.

At a time where I am experiencing a lot of transition, not only in my personal life with the loss of my dad and birth or my daughter, but also in my career life with reducing teaching yoga classes and trying to have more influence online through creating my Soul School program and hosting my podcast… all of this change can be scary.

This was a major gift to me as a reminder that life and our roles ebb and flow. We must flow with life in order to truly experience it fully. Otherwise we would just see everything as broken.

When I asked lululemon why they picked me, they said that one of their values in the company is GROWTH. It’s not about how many yoga classes I am teaching, but about how I am continually growing as a human to expand my impact in our community. I cried – like bawled like a child cry.

Even though I may feel broken, not all things are broken.

I am truly grateful that this company believes in me when my belief in myself was shaky. It is a reminder to get out of our own way and still see the good through the uncertainty. There are a ton of incredibly talented yoga teachers in our community, and I am thankful they chose me: a mom, who is lovingly trying to keep her shit together, shower daily and change the world.

So, right now friend, think of how you are supported. Expand your thinking and see the creative ways the Universe is opening up doors for you. Pull yourself out of that dark hole and see what is blooming. Just because you may feel broken, please don’t see all things as broken. You are loved, adored, and supported. Open your eyes. Celebrate yourself. And most importantly give yourself grace.


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