Oct 26, 2020
My died just 2 years ago, only two weeks before my daughter, Hunter was born.
He always reminded me of my own power and said, “you get to write your story.”
Having him pass away so young was not part of my story that I would’ve written.
Experiencing a miscarriage, cancer scare, 42 weeks of 28 blood draws and the passing of my favorite person all in 2 years, I’ve realized we don’t have control of all of the details or the outcome.
It was bittersweet to experience Life and Death simultaneously. Holding gratitude and sorrow, delight and anger, fullness and hopelessness in both hands and heart.
Through these years, I’ve learned we don’t actually get to write all of our story, but it helps when we trust Life’s plans, surrender to its timing and baring of its gifts.
Never easy, but always worth it.
My dad’s favorite name was Hunter. He divinely died on the Hunter moon.
There were so many simple and spiritual moments around his death and Hunter’s birth:
On the morning I found out he died, google maps rerouted us 4 times off I-5, out of rush hour traffic onto a 2-lane country road overlooking vineyards and a beautiful sunrise. On my worst day, I felt a moment of peace. Never being on that road before, I asked where we were, and my mom said this was your dad’s favorite way to drive to your home. Magic.
I remember after 2-weeks of non-stop crying, chest aching, eyes crimson and swollen, we said our final goodbye on a Friday afternoon, and I held his cold hand and cried all over him. The next day my water broke (2 weeks early), as if my dad was holding me, urging me to stop suffering, giving us a gift of new life. Magic.
The Eagle who swooped in front of my window while I was writing
about him and dropped a feather to the ground. This happened twice!
The dragonflies who always show up when I think about him. More
Magic.
Maybe they’re just coincidences. I’d rather believe they are divine signs, little moments of magic reminding us to stay awake to Life.
I believe there is magic, even in dark times. We just have to be present to it.
What are some signs that are showing up for you?
Before we had Hunter, I did fertility testing, because I’m considered geriatric pregnancy (wrong, just wrong!) and the doctor said I would be lucky to have just one child.
What a pleasant surprise to be pregnant again, this time with a baby boy!
My heart breaks knowing my dad won’t be able to be with another grandchild. When sorrow begins to drag me down, I remember to stay open and look for the gifts in the situation. Trust my journey.
Our baby is due April 1st, 2021 . . . my parent’s anniversary.
Life whispers to you and gives you gifts of support.
You just have to stay awake to hear it and be patient enough to let Life unfold it’s divine plan for you.
I guess my dad was right. You do get to write your story. Or at least how you show up in your story.
Love you dad. Thank you for continuing to be my biggest teacher.
I’m seeing and receiving all of the little signs and the magic of Life. Are you?
Wishing you lots of little signs of Joy this week.
Stay open and let Life’s divine magic unfold for you in it’s own divine timing. Trust that everything you’re experiencing is exactly where you’re meant to be.
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