Jun 10, 2019
My mother-in-law visited us this week. Before I tell you this story, please know I love my mother-in-law. She is such a nice, sweet person. Jill, if you’re listening, I love you.
Even though I love my mother-in-law and we get a long really well, we are each individual humans raised differently and will have different opinions. It’s probably not a good idea to talk politics, religion or about parenting choices and motherhood. But I can’t help myself- I’m an open book.
Lately, I have been saying (a lot) that I feel broken. To give you some back story, I was in a lot of pain and I couldn’t move my neck, so this conversation didn’t start in a positive way because I physically was already feeling pretty bad. I did a yoga class on Friday and when I woke up Saturday my neck hurt so bad. I spent the day complaining and being a baby. Jill asked me to explain what I meant by “feeling broken.” I explained I feel broken because when I try to move my body the way I used to do before giving birth, something gets injured or I’m in worse pain. Things I used to be able to do easily before giving birth, now is a struggle. Who gets injured from doing a yoga class once a week!? I’m a yoga instructor – I should be able to do this. So I’m frustrated and I’m in daily pain sitting or getting up from sitting because I have a fractured tailbone and my vagina has PTSD and has to get pelvic floor therapy each week because it has scar tissue to name a few. I definitely did not say this in my loving voice.
She raised her eyebrows and slowly looked away in a look of disagreement and said, “well, when you “dwell” on your medical condition it gets worse.” This immediately triggered me. Yes, I can go to the negative very quickly. I have a loud inner critic and it often goes to the worst-case scenario. So, when she said this, it hurts my feelings. But before I could process that my feelings were hurt and respond from a conscious place, I unconsciously defended my position with “I’m not dwelling, I’m learning, Jill.” I have this really bad habit of saying someone’s name when being condescending and a know-it-all. Note to self: must work on this. Okay, part of this is true. I have been dwelling and saying “I feel broken” a little too much. But this also triggered me because I don’t believe in being positive to cover up or deny yourself the exploration of your negative emotions. Positive affirmations only go so far. You have to feel your feelings in order to process them and move passed them.
The conversation started to get a little heated. Thankfully I was smart enough to quickly excuse myself to bed before I said anything I would regret. I stewed in bed and tossed and turned and had a restless night’s sleep. In the morning, I took some time for myself to journal and put my feelings to paper. This helps me bring light to frustrated feelings and emotions so I can respond a little more compassionately to others and myself. After journaling, my defensiveness softened and I could see her point that dwelling in the negative wasn’t a good thing because it kept me from seeing the positive things in my life. Repeating this negative mantra also kept me from healing because I focused on all of the parts of my body that are “broken.” And continual complaining just keeps me stuck in victimhood, and doesn’t move me forward into my own power of taking responsibility for my feelings and healing process.
I love our Soul School community because together we connect, share, learn, grown and heal. It’s not about the destination about being perfect or knowing all of the answers, but the constant pursuit of knowledge to live our most fulfilled life that matters most. I share this story because it helped me bring perspective of where I was spending my energy, what I was channeling through my thougths, and what was I truly manifesting.
Each week, during Mantra Monday, this is an invitation or an intention. I always join you in this invitation, but for me this is a big one, because I want to feel good in my body and it’s been 7 months since giving birth to my daughter.
The invitation this week is to ask yourself: which voice are you listening to?
…The inner critic or your True Self?
…The voice that believes in scarcity or abundance?
…The voice that keeps you stuck in fear or moves you toward faith?
…The voice that is resentful or the voice of love?
…the voice that keeps you in victimhood or attune to your power?
I truly believe we are powerful beings. You manifest your mindset. Although I don’t like uncomfortable conversations, this made me open my eyes to see I was dwelling in negativity and listening to the pessimist voice. Your thoughts are powerful. Your thoughts become things, become your feelings, your beliefs and our actions.
Oh, and that next morning, Jill and I both apologized and have a closer relationship because of it.
So, when you dip below the line this week, ask yourself which voice are you listening to and is this voice serving you and getting you closer to who you want to be?
You manifest your mindset.
Thanks for listening always and be an open heart to hear my struggles. I hope together we grow and expand into our fullest and highest selves. Let me know how this has helped you, and always, thank you for sharing!